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Roadmaster!

by Rob Friesel

In the tradition of such vehicular games as “Punch Buggy”, “Padiddle”, and “Wood Car”, we bring you the official guide to:

Buick!

Ideal for highway trips, commutes, and spins around the block, the basic rules to “Buick!” are:

  • Each Buick is worth 1 point
  • Successfully calling the model name doubles its value to 2 points (optionally, successful calls to trim could triple the value)
  • An erroneously called vehicle (watch out for those Mercury Grand Marquis!) docks you -1 point
  • If you “go for 2” with a model call, be sure it’s right because there’s a -2 point penalty even if it’s a Buick!

All contenders must be present in the vehicle during play and the winner is decided by whomever has the most points at the end of the trip.


(This fine specimen is definitely worth at least 5 points with a call of “Buick Roadmaster Wood Wagon!”

OPTIONAL AND ADVANCED RULES

  • WOOD WAGON! The game of “Buick!” is best played in combination with “Wood Wagon”. When played in combination, “Wood Wagon!” calls are worth 3 points to the Buick’s 1.
  • DOUBLE BUICK! “Double Buick” calls are worth 3 points but are restricted to urban play. A “Double Buick” is any driveway or garage where two Buicks are parked side-by-side or otherwise stacked.
  • CONSECUTIVE BUICK! A variation on “Double Buick” acceptable for highway play, “Consecutive Buick” (also “Tandem Buick!”) is worth 3 points and occurs whenever two Buicks occur one after another. They must be consecutive — you can’t call “Consecutive Buick” if it’s like Buick-Ford-Buick or Buick-(5 miles later)-Buick.
  • RED HERRING! A controversial optional rule, the “Red Herring!” call allows a player to back out of an erroneous call by immediately shouting “Red Herring!” and correctly identifying the erroneous vehicle. For example, a player who calls “Le Sabre” would normally be docked 2 points when another player correctly spots it as a Mercury Sable; with “Red Herring” rules, this player can avoid point loss by making this same call as “Le Sabre-RED-HERRING!-Mercury!”. A to-the-model call is not required for the Red Herring but is encouraged among some groups.
  • MAXIMUM BUICK! Worth 5 points because of its rarity, a “Maximum Buick” (“Max Buick” and “B Max” are also acceptable) applies to any “tricked-out” Buick. Examples of minimum requirements include: ground effects kits, fin spoilers, chromed rims, and “BUICK” lettering decals in the back window. Debates on qualification are usually not a problem since most players are so stunned by the appearance of a “B Max” that there’s no time for questions, just stunned awe.

About Rob Friesel

Software engineer by day, science fiction writer by night. Author of The PhantomJS Cookbook and a short story in Please Do Not Remove. View all posts by Rob Friesel →

5 Responses to Roadmaster!

Anonymous says:

The following is an excerpt of a very real IM conversation, which defies the creation theory that people inherit buicks and do not buy them. This can also serve to illustrate the desire of the normal buick owner to upgrade to wood wagon status. Names changed to protect the innocent.

Undisclosed New Car Owner: we bought her a car
Buick Game participant: nice, what’d you buy?
Undisclosed New Car Owner: We bought a buick, it’s a boat but it has low mileage and it runs well, good first car, The family truckster !! HASTA MANANA AMIGO must hit the road !!!
Buick Game participant: does it have wood on the side?
Undisclosed New Car Owner: not yet but i will throw some on

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