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Porno

by Rob Friesel

So now, ye should prolly ken tha I jist finished up this Irvine Welsh cunt’s book ehs cault Porno. I cannae honestly be puttin masel n a spot of callin it the bes book ays ever read, likesay. But I’d some kinda daft liar if I cault it pure trash also! I cannae rightly say whae I felt like eh went wrong. Ehs like written a follow-up to dem lads fae Trainspotting — Rents n Simon “Sick Boy” n even Spud n the Beggar Boy! Ehs given ays dis tale a betrayal n redemption and wrapt it all up raun some scam fae Sick Boy to get tae riches fae makin some stag film, likesay.

Now, ye should ken tha ehs nae a bad book. Ehs got ehs gauns on and like some really well writ passages. This Welsh cunt’s got a keen eye fae ehs stories, mind. This one jist don inspire like Trainspotting did — it didnae knock ays on ma arse, likesay. Again, ehs nowt without ehs charms n aw. Mibbe ehs jist used up all ehs bes work? I dinnae ken nowt aboot tha. One thing ehs got in spades like is ehs still got this full on fuckin mastery of ehs words.

Ehs like this.  Ave ye ever done that optical illusion wi some cunt’s inverted flag?  Ken wha ays mean?  Mibbe ye seen dis one?  Well this daft cunt Welsh, ehs writin ehs like some kinda afterimage only ehs wit words in YER BRAIN!  Ye pick up the book tha ehs writ and struggle to get yer way through some fully dense passage tha is like full of all dese mashed up words that ye cannae ken on tha spot and so it takes ays fully way too long tae parse through it and it gies masel a right migraine tryin tae fae figure it oot.  And but then whin I puts tha book doan and says to masel FUCK IT, I’M ALL DUN then the words that ehs writ are right stuck in ma heid.

I tells ye, ehs fuckin horrible.  But now ahm jist so stuck on tha pish wi ehs language tha I cannae hardly make a fully qualified statement aboot ehs fuckin plot!  Somethin about betrayal and jist bein consumers, likesay.  But anyways, mibbe I’ll run doan tae tha fuckin boozer and grab a lager wi ma mates to put the edge off and sort masel right oot.

About Rob Friesel

Software engineer by day, science fiction writer by night. Author of The PhantomJS Cookbook and a short story in Please Do Not Remove. View all posts by Rob Friesel →

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