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A Maybe Slightly More Realistic Rendition of “Bear Snores On”

by Rob Friesel

…or, what really happened in the woods that winter:

In a cave in the woods
in his deep, dark lair
through the long, cold winter
sleeps a great brown bear.

Cuddled in a heap
with his eyes shut tight
he sleeps through the day
he sleeps through the night.

The cold winds howl
and the night sounds growl

but the bear snores on.

A filthy little mouse
pitter-pat, tip-toe
creep-crawls in the cave
from the fluff cold snow.

Mouse squeaks
“Too damp.”
“Too dank.”
“Too dark.”

So he lights wee twigs
with a small hot spark.

The coals pip-pop
and the wind doesn’t stop

but the bear snores on.

Two glowing eyes
sneak-peek in the den
mouse cries “Who’s there?”
and a wolf eviscerates him.

“Ho Mouse!” says wolf
“Long time, no eat!”
So he gobbles him down
as a tasty treat.

Mouse gasps deathly rasps
Wolf slurps bloody burps

but the bear snores on.

A badger scuttles by
sniff-snuffs at the air
“I smell yummy-yums,
perhaps we can share?”

“I’ve brought honey nuts,”
badger says with a grin.
“Let’s divvy them up,
cozy down, and drink gin.”

So they nibble and they munch
with a chew chomp crunch

but the bear snores on.

A gopher and a mole
tunnel up through the floor
then a wren and a raven
flutter in through the door.

Mole mutters
“What a night!”
“What a storm!”
Twitters wren.

And everyboy clutters
in the great bear’s den.

They chat about cripples
they tweet and the tipple

but the bear snores on.

In a cave in the woods
a slumbering bear
sleeps through the party
in his very own lair.

Wolf stokes the fire
over seasoned mouse stew
when a small pepper fleck
makes the bear

RAAAAAAAAAAA-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

He blows and he sneezes
and the whole crowd freezes.

And the bear wakes up!

And the bear devours the other animals.

THE END

Apologies to Karma Wilson for this parody of her marvelous children’s story, Bear Snores On.

About Rob Friesel

Software engineer by day, science fiction writer by night. Author of The PhantomJS Cookbook and a short story in Please Do Not Remove. View all posts by Rob Friesel →

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