found drama

get oblique

an open letter to CostCo

by Rob Friesel

Dear CostCo folks—

My shopping experience with you has been pretty satisfactory so far.

First off, I’m not in it for the aesthetics—the warehouse space is clean but can be a bit overwhelming and crowded and maybe even bewildering.  And that’s OK—it’s become something of a joke1 which eases the tension enough for us to deal.

Second, we’ve figured out the pricing scheme well-enough to not get totally screwed.  We figured out which of the perishable items we can eat fast enough.  We’ve figured out where we’re saving 5-15%, where we’re saving that awesome 20+%, and where we’re paying basically the same2.  So we’re on good footing there.

What’s bugging me though…  Why so lax on the quality of certain food items?  In particular, let’s focus on the foodstuffs targeted at and/or intended for kids.  Example: tonight we decided against purchasing a metric ton of apple sauce because it contained high fructose corn syrup.  Seriously, what adult is eating apple sauce out of a little three ounce container?  That there is for kids.  Ditch Mott’s and give us some organic Kirkland apple sauce3.  Example: we don’t buy our frozen orange juice there because it isn’t calcium fortified.  Granted this one cuts across both children and adults4, but all the more reason to calcium-fortify that OJ.  The war for healthy bones starts early!  Example: WHERE IS THE FREAKIN’ 100-COUNT RICE CAKES PACKAGE?? I would seriously stock up on rice cakes if you carried them.

That is all.  For now.

Thank you for listening,


  1. Ever see that Simpsons episode where Apu gets fired from the Kwik-E-Mart? when he and Marge go to the Monstromart? yeah that was frickin’ funny. []
  2. And for the rest, there’s Amazon Mobile. []
  3. Don’t tell me that there’s no such thing as “organic Kirkland”.  I’ve seen those tortilla chips. []
  4. And maybe more so for the adults, what with how we’re not really supposed to drink as much milk. []

About Rob Friesel

Software engineer by day, science fiction writer by night; weekend homebrewer. Author of The PhantomJS Cookbook and a short story in Please Do Not Remove. View all posts by Rob Friesel →

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