found drama

get oblique

why pay more?

by Rob Friesel

I got this in my email today:

From: "Adelphia Advanced Products Customer Care"

Date: Tue Oct 7, 2003 5:00:00 PM US/Eastern

To: Power Link Subscriber

Subject: "Adelphia Power Link Upgrades"

Reply-To: information@adelphia.net

Dear Adelphia Power Link Customer,

We value your business and understand that many of you have an increasing appetite for online content, email and all the benefits of our high-speed internet service. We were pleased to announce last week that we will be increasing the speeds available to our Power Link high-speed internet customers to up to 3 megabytes-per-second downloads and up to 256 kilobytes-per-second uploads. Your Power Link pricing will not change as a result of this service enhancement!

To facilitate this exciting change for Power Link customers, there are some upgrades required in the Adelphia network. While we do not expect these changes to have an impact to the vast majority of customers, some customers may be impacted. If you are impacted, you may experience higher than normal wait times on the Technical Support line. We apologize for any inconvenience.

We expect to have the network upgrades complete by October 15, 2003.

Thank you in advance for your patience while we work to deliver this exciting service enhancement.

Sincerely,

Adelphia Communications

Your Power Link pricing will not change as a result of this service enhancement!

WTF? They jacked my monthly 3 months ago! Doesn’t the logic seem a little backwards? “We’ll charge you more and offer you nothing… Then we’ll offer you a bit more speed and pretend like we’re doing you a favor!” Would someone like to explain what kind of stupid TWISTED logic that is? And … ooo! 3 Mbps transfer! They can’t even get their own terminology right. (It’s MEGABITS!) So not only do I have to suffer through this sick logic but also their misuse of the nomenclature … AND a few interruptions in service while they upgrade AND I still don’t get what I really want…

  • No blocking on ports 80 and 25
  • A striking of the “no hosting” policy in their terms of use agreement
  • Server-side scripting support
  • A little bit more generous server-space allotment

Of course, the top half would make the bottom half irrelevant. Or vice versa.

About Rob Friesel

Software engineer by day, science fiction writer by night. Author of The PhantomJS Cookbook and a short story in Please Do Not Remove. View all posts by Rob Friesel →

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