found drama

Via Boing Boing: Sliwinski at In Newsweekly reports on Blizzard’s roundabout discriminatory policies re: World of Warcraft.

The response from Blizzard was, “While we appreciate and understand your point of view, we do feel that the advertisement of a ‘GLBT friendly’ guild is very likely to result in harassment for players that may not have existed otherwise. If you will look at our policy, you will notice the suggested penalty for violating the Sexual Orientation Harassment Policy is to ‘be temporarily suspended from the game.’ However, as there was clearly no malicious intent on your part, this penalty was reduced to a warning.”

!?!?!?

At first this may seem outrageous, inexplicable, inconsistent, ridiculous, and out-of-the-clear-fucking-blue. But a little more digging into the FAQs in Blizzard’s advertising collateral does reveal some clues to help illuminate their statements. Observe:

Q. I’ve heard that Blizzard doesn’t allow GLBT-friendly guilds in WoW. Is that true?

A. Have you eaten a Guacamole, Lettuce, Bacon, and Tomato sandwich? Gross!

Q. I think you’ve got the wrong interpretation of that acronym. Now, seriously: true or not?

A. Oh, we see what you mean now. We cannot openly encourage that kind of behavior as it will cause the 15-year-old Hordes to induce a deluge of “p4wn3d qu33r!” and “Faggoty Fag Fag” comments that are in clear violation of our Terms of Service. As we cannot afford the loss of that much monthly revenue, we’ve been forced to assume another approach.

Q. By not allowing folks to advertise their guilds as tolerant and cooperative?

A. Now who’s jumping to the wrong conclusions? In order to maximize inter-guild tolerance and cooperation, we’ve found it best to leave that queer shit in the real world. Besides, once an Orc reaches level 5, their primary food source is gay Gnomes. You wouldn’t want to spend all your time being chased by Orcs, would you?

Q. But if gay characters aren’t allowed, what do 5th level Orcs eat?

A. By now you’ll have noticed that certain races and classes are inherently queer to some degree. Orcs and Trolls can be found eating Night Elves (whom everyone knows are gay by default).

Q. So even if I don’t “advertise” myself as GLBT, I can still play a gay character?

A. Absolutely! As mentioned above, all Night Elves are gay by default and upon reaching level 20, Dwarves and Gnomes obtain access to the “Tunnel Bathhouse” area. Characters of any race can also pursue classes and professions that have the queer taint to them as well! Observe the inclusion of such classes as Priests and professions such as Leatherworking. Be cautioned, however, that we’re not taking any more requests for the addition of the “Bard” class – – that’s so gay D&D…

Q. Given that the above is public knowledge, wouldn’t you argue that it has the same effect as simply but discreetly advertising your guild as GLBT-friendly?

A. Look, just drop it OK. If it matters that much to you, we’ll just eliminate everything except the Undead race and rename the game “World of the Asexual Zombie Shit Pile”. Happy now?

About Rob Friesel