Dreams I’ve had; unedited but (for better or worse) not always fully remembered.
You and President Obama are the judges on a Chopped-style burger competition. Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio are the finalists. They’re doing at it hard over the grills. When time is called and they bring forth the burgers, both of them have produced monstrosities. Rubio is oddly disparaging of his own effort, praising Cruz’s burger […]
The town is flooded. But not in nature-is-vicious New Orleans during Katrina sort of way; more like a permanent war-of-attrition city of Venice sort of way. But you load them into your gondola, your bottles. Gently you bring them down out of the closet, and gently you remove them from their boxes, and gently you […]
You’re fleeing the monster. Run through the city. You never see it, but you can hear it. Hear its growl. Hear the rumble of its footsteps. You hide behind buildings. Dodging. Evading. Never more than a step ahead. Sounds of destruction and carnage. But you’re running out of places to run, to hide. You make […]
You are overrun by them. An infestation of a grotesque mouse-octopus chimera. Little black oily vermin; naked tails and little furry rumps that coalesce into a mass of writhing black tentacles. Traps can’t hold them. And as they swarm, you try to stomp them out. Black ichor runs from their wounds. But, once cut in […]
You are sitting in a treehouse, trying to plan a trip, the two of you. You believed that you had narrowed down the destination and all you had left was to book it. But things got complicated. New suggestions came in. People kept appearing with new ideas. You couldn’t possibly do them all. Maybe over […]
The gunfire draws nearer. The bombs thump; you feel them in your chest. Everywhere is debris. Twisted rebar, candy wrapper scraps, shreds of clothing, popcorn. Everyone has been ushered into the bunker. The bunker is a movie theater — an underground movie theater. The trick is to make sure that the film keeps going, and […]
Interviewing Rob Zombie, moments before a concert. The backstage room is oddly well-lit and sparkling clean. (You expected gloom and filth?) There isn’t much time for questions. You jump right into it. What’s your greatest fear? your personal hell? He explains: Being cast into pit of writhing tormented bodies, and each one is a clone […]
The truck travels from town to town. On the in-town boulevards, the truck creeps along, but you feel certain that it blasts along the highways at incredible speeds. It shifts its shape with each glance. A tractor trailer one moment, a box truck the next, then a van. When it comes to rest on your […]
On your way home, you stopped off at the gas station to tank up. And while you’re there, you happened to notice that a truck was unloading Heady Topper. Because why not? you grabbed a four pack and paid for it when you paid for your gas. Only all of the cans were already open […]
After being the first person to crowd-surf at a company meeting (and this after asking one of the all-time out-of-left-field questions), you retire to your home to start in on brewing your first ever batch of beer. You expected to be joined by at least one friend for help (and company) but upon opening the […]